BUFOG Pranks & Funnies

Introduction

Occasionally, as to be expected, we receive hoax or unintentionally daft/funny reports via either here, the BUFOG forum or Richard Hall's site Richplanet.Net. I don't in any way condone these but I figured I'd put them on display for you to have a read. I have purposely removed any contact details from them. Note that these are usually pretty rude/adult in nature and contain sex references and bad language. If you are offended by such things please do not read on, you have been warned. Otherwise enjoy!

The Membership Request Is Out There

Received: 16/01/2017

Via: E-Mail

Title: Mr

First Name: Fox

Last Name: Mulder

Message: Please I want to believe.

My response message:

Your name sounds kind of familiar. For some reason I’m getting the impression that you have an official background and that there’s also a lady involved to some extent. Any idea? Membership to BUFOG costs £10 for life which ensures that only real FBI agents join us. You’ll get a membership card and money off all of our meetings and events. Best to bring it along to a meeting with you. Just watch out for unmarked helicopters or strange old men smoking cigarettes…

UFO Caught On Tape Received: 27/08/2014 Via: Facebook Page

What you think of the UFO I caught on tape.???

My response message:

Ha ha ha I think it's 100% legit!

Illuminati Invitation

Received: 22/08/2014 Via: E-Mail

Subject: Membership Application

Do you desire Wealth,Riches,Fame,Spot light,Powers,Unlock your destiny by joining the illuminati order today and earn $250,000 for member loyalty and $1,000,000 for championing the course of destiny. If Interested contact us.

Warm Regards.

Illuminati Order.

Copyright ©2014 Illuminati

Kitchens In Space

Received: 20/02/2013 Via: BUFOG Forum

Best kitchen deals available from www.formbykitchens.com

Member responses:

Truly fascinating. Struggling to find the link between kitchens and UFOs. I guess Greys have to cook food somewhere....

Not easy for them to find a suitable kitchen when their living space doesn't have corners! I guess the bespoke kitchen companies have figured this out and found a whole new market

The True Strength Of Table Linen

Received: 17/01/2013 Via: BUFOG Forum

Table linens are mainly meant to provide protection to the table against mars as well as scratches. Therefore, table linens are part of the tables; they should, thus, be given more weight when it comes to selection.

Member response:

Do we really need to protect our tables against mars? And exactly how much weight should we be selecting when trying to protect against a planet the size of mars? Are we expecting an impact with mars sometime soon and will a table linen covered table be sufficient to protect my loved ones?

A Terrifying Attack

Received: 06/10/2012 Via: BUFOG site

Name (Optional): Bob Le'Cure

Address (Optional): 32 Lower Tuernip Street

Experience Date: 1 January 1968

Experience Time: 2 minutes to midnight

Experience Location: Outside Captain Ranjit's Locker. (curry house)

Weather Conditions: Clear moonlight skies

Witnesses Present: Rommel, but he is a German Shepard so sadly he cant help

Object Shape: Tubular with a bulbus hood on one end

Object Colour(s): Fleshy colours, with hints of purple on the hood

Object Lighting: The bulbus hood throbbed a very pale purplish light.

Estimated Size: 12"

Direction From You: Heading towards me

Estimated Distance: 20ft

Estimated Height: Head height (4ft 2")

Object Sound(s): Vibrating buzzing sound

Movement Pattern: Thrusting motions

Estimated Speed: About walking speed

Direct Interaction: It tried to attack me in the anal area.

Being(s) Seen: None

Missing Time: About 2 minutes, and missing jeans too.

Effect on Surroundings: It burned my pubic hair around my erogenous zones, especially around my anus

Length of Experience: The object was 12" but I think I only took about 6"

Emotions at Time: Excited, Scared and Turned on all at once. Rectum stinged a bit too

How Experience Ended: I Splooged, it was completely involuntary, I just couldn't stop myself.

Additional Details: The dog has been scarred permanently by witnessing this event, he cant even lick his own testicles anymore.

My response message:

Hi Bob. Thanks for sharing your fascinating and erotic experience with me. I advise you to sit on an ice bag for a long while and you’ll hopefully be walking straight again before you know it. To prevent further intrusions I recommend purchasing an iron clad chastity belt. This will protect your erogenous zones from unwanted repeat attacks.

I Brought Down a UFO

Thread Started: 05/10/2012 Website: Godlike Productions

Note: Only relevant posts displayed

Hello there, my full name is Hansel Jermain Dilpinson (i was born in Romania), but moved to the UK over 20 years ago and have lived in the UK since.

We have had in my area of town, many sightings of ufos, orbs, lights for some time. There have been news reports of them too, investigations, yet it has turned up with nothing.

Last night, under the cover of darkness, myself and a number of other investigators from the birmingham ufo group (we are the only active uk group that deals with abductees and ufos etc) just do a google search for BUFOG (the person in charge is dave my next door neighbour)!

We saw a light flashing, and it got nearer and nearer, as it approached the ground started to shake, i was scared, literally scared i had never felt like this before.

Suddenly it started to descend.

We ran away, and kept on running for a mile, all the time excpecting it to be behind or above us, but when we got back to the house it was gone.

We decided that this could be the biggest story in the history of mankind, and decided to get our video cameras, and to go back out to film it.

I brought with my a rocket grenade launcher just in case (i have one still from my time in the army), and yes its licenced, as i, as a high ranking officer am still called up to the army from time to time, so i have not officially retired yet.

Anyway, we went back out, and headed back for the spot we had been in earlier, we didnt need to wait long. Almost at once above us, the craft appeared again, it was huge about the size of a large house. It had portholes and a dome on top. Without a second thought i fired the launcher. It hit it, but had no effect at all.

I remembered fellow members of the ufo group saying that whilst they are in the air they have a magnetic distortion field around them which protects them.

I realised i would have to strike when they landed, and so i did. I waited for it to hover to the ground and as it was about to touch down, i fired...

With a huge explosion, that was heard for miles (my wife rung me up from work at the farm 2 miles ago to ask if everything was okay as she heard the blast), the craft came down, and with a smash, hit the group at a 90 degree angle. There it came to rest.

No entities came out, nothing.

We panicked and run back to the house.

A few hours later were mustered up the courage to come back, and the flames/smoke had gone out, and the ufo was still in the same position at a 90 degree angle.

The area it is in, is a very rarely used footpath, as the entrance to it is covered in trees, so only the locals whove lived there for many years know about it.

We are not sure what to do now, do we ring for help, do we take the risk and try open the portholes? what do we do.

I would like to ask for advice, and really want to thank you for reading this.

PS i know this thread may be met with scorn and doubt, but i assure you, we are reputable investigators and this is our website,

bufognavigation.blogspot.co.uk

Pics or it did not happen.

There is a large factory/bakery in the background beyond the trees, if i was to post a photo, our location would be given away

I am happy to do it once i find a way to crop it out or something

For the moment i am on here for advice, thank you

Of course no pics... I mean how hard is it to take your cell and snap a picture? Even Obama's free phones have camera... 

You guys drive me nuts.

birmingham, rocket launcher, shot down huge ufo.

diptardmaximus

ARE YOU MAD ?

Rocket Launcher in the United Kingdom !!!!

Can't even get an Air Rifle without hassle

That looks a half decent website....why destroy it's credibility with this dolly daydream tale............

I believe in and have seen UFOs but what you just written does not happen beyond Hollywood 

Hawaay Man......!

even BB guns are illegal in UK!

I assure you i am a woman of wisdom and reputation in my village

I would never make this up.

What i am after is advice, on how to handle this

Should we investigate the ufo? or call the authorities

call the AA to get it towed.

I want to thank each and every one of you for your replies

We have decided the only thing for it is to open the hatch of the ufo.

It is too dark now to go back but if we can get lights we will..

Also my friends are bringing with night vision camcorders so we can get footage

Bernard..I find you every time because you do not Capitalize your I's.. Among other things..

I am writing this in darkness from a field right now, please bear with me, second of all my name is Hansel, not bernard

Let me introduce myself

I have a degree in physics and music, i fought the korean war, and recieved the victoria cross for taking out an enemy bunker under fire.

I fought in the gulf war and the afghanistan campaign, and am regularly consulted upon for advice.

My fascination with ufology started when i saw my first ufo several years ago.

what? still at it at your age? are we not friends with Korea yet?

High ranking military official looking for advice at glp......love it

78y Vet running around with a RPG, Yeah tear those greys a new one.

Bernie are you a Blunose? or one of the others.

Man all those degrees and you don't know how to take a picture? Damn shame.

Careful man she might throw her degrees at you! I suggest throwing a camera back at them. They probably wouldn't know what it was though.

I got to admit something right now...I use to get so mad when I seen these bullshit threads...As of late I crave them...This is funny stuff...

It's time for your abduction..Have Gretal let us know when you are missing..

Take a picture

EDIT: Take a fucking picture

EDIT2: Probably not clear enough... TAKE A GOD DAMN PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought you were a man? And your wife heard the loud boom from ur big bad weapon? Damn if ur gonna make up some sh*t..atleast keep ur lies straight. Go back to ur mommas basement and come up with a better more interesting and solid lie with no contradictions.

Once again, i am a respectful woman in my community, well known, and i am a person of honour, i would not lie about this.

How do you excpect us to take photos when it is in a pitch black field miles from anywhere??

Hansel, you are a woman???

You say it happens in the dead of night, during which you call your WIFE, who is at work on the farm...

What do you raise, vampire chickens or vampire cows?

please please please please please please pretty please, stop this!

Hansel is a boys name.

I am a lesbian

Its a sad fact that in 2012 there is still no tolerance!!

now you are a woman with a rocket launcher ,fuck off fool

I dont give a shit if ur a lesbian. Who said i was intollerent of people who are gay? My best friend is married to a woman. But u should know when ur spewing other lies...im gonna assume u lied about being a woman. Sorry i didnt automatically assume ur a lesbo when u said my wife... Either way ur still lying and need a life. Aliens dont want anything to do with someone like you so stop getting ur hopes up of being probed..

First of all...idiot...in your original post you said it happened LAST NIGHT....which means day would have already come. I think what annoys me the most about this thread is the fact that u cant keep your lies straight even when they are there for you to read to make sure u keep your story strait. And again....in ur first post you were a man...and a few posts later u said ur wife heard the bang.

If this is true, you would want to take physical photographs of the crashed object. Try to film it.

After you have stashed all of your documented evidence, simply call the police and let them take care of it. Play dumb and they won't suspect you have photographic evidence. (But if you are a "high-ranking military officer," this probably not work.)

Just tell the police as little as possible. Don't give anything beyond what they ask.

For the record, I don't believe this story.

You Investigators with all those cameras and apparatus, and all you did was to SHOT IT with nothing less than a Grenade launcher?

Takes less effort to take a picture than to use a launcher, and well, makes you look less of an asshole.

what if they were secret military you've shot,or nice aliens with a family of children aliens?

I think I know an 80 year old lesbian with an rpg. She goes by "Carol" and works at the Home Depot down the road. . .

At least my 80 year old lesbian has a flashlight.

Just sayin'.

A/ i am getting rather cross at people calling me bernard, i have no idea who he is

B/ i am going through an extremely traumatic time right now with the ufo, i am worried about the authorities, if they are tipped off they may come to investigate.

C/ when it gets light we will go there and film it extensively, yet we will not be opening the port holes yet, we do not know what is inside it may be toxic

So we have a roughly 80 year old lesbian with an rpg in the UK that supposedly shot down a UFO with it and they have no pictures or proof... right...

The first thing I would have done would have been to grab anything that wasn't attached and get away with tangible evidence then come back immediately with any lights and camera equipment I needed. 

We're supposed to believe that you have an rpg handy, but not a camera and a flashlight? Riiight..

at no point have i said that i have no camera!

I have merely said it is very hard to get good quality footage with nowhere being lit up, that is all

Pitch black eh? Guess those blue lights you were saying were everywhere are no longer there.... Lmao your too funny.

Update there are a group of unmarked vehicles parked about a mile away from here, we drove closer and took a look from a distance.

The occupants appear to be dressed in black

We have never seen such people around here before, we are in a small mining village in the east

Wow if you can see that kind of detail then surely a picture is able to be taken now.

Even a photo of the grenade launcher (or whatever it was) would lend some credibility....since Bernard seems to need some, LOL!

i wil take a photo of my holding the rpg

hang on

Taken photo of myself holding it, i was not sure where to upload it to so i have uploaded it to image post

So I guess the sun in that photo isn't real eh?

There is no sun in that photo, maybe a light from the ufo

we took the photo at risk to our lives

I already Reverse imaged that.... You took that image from an Arabic site and the original picture is clearly during the day don't believe me?

Here's the link to the original image. Your quite sad faking this so hard. I hope you trolling days end soon.

Come on!!! How do you explain this picture you claimed to be you at night?

AW your no fun... You could at least admit I got you!!!!

The woman in that brightly lit photo looks nothing like me, please dont try to discredit my thread nobody is falling for you!!

Dude.... It's the exact same photo. To every pixel it is the exact same one... Quit trying to lie.

How come yours has an arabic lady to the left and is clearly in daytime

when mine doesnt, and is NIGHT TIME

plus the picture size is totally different

Because yours is edited to zoom in on the lady with the RPG and you cut out the girl on the right. You can cleary see in both pictures

1. The white mark on the eyebrow.

2. The same clothing.

3. The same RPG and angle your holding.

4. The same scowl.

5. The same sun shadow marks that I noticed before I even reverse imaged your picture.

6. The darkness on your picture is clearly an edit because that's not even close to what pictures look like at night.

7. Every computer analysis shows this is the same picture and I could probably continue this list to 100 of all the things that prove your picture is a fake.

But seriously please keep arguing this because it's very entertaining.

Well believe what you believe i know i took that photo just now of me holding the rocket launcher!

Anyway in the morning under the cover of light we will be filiming the craft, and possibly opening the portholes

Nope your a liar.

PICTURE YOU CLAIM IS YOU-

ACTUAL PICTURE Using computer reverse image search and common sense.

Expect this to be posted after every response you say from here on out to make sure no one falls for your shit.

If this is real, which it almost certainly is not, then you should do the following:

1) Hang your head in shame for being the worst researcher ever.

2) Take photos and upload them now, or you may never get another chance to prove you're not a sad little prick.

3) Phone an ambulance and the police. You may just have brought down a black ops vehicle or if it is aliens, then you've probably injured them.

4) Hand yourself over to the police. Military personnel have no authority in civilian areas and using an RPG outside a training facility is illegal, regardless of where or how you got it.

5) Expect to be secretly stripped of your commission and incarcerated for life, if not just quietly exposed of.

well op in your original post you claimed to have shot it down last night and at the time of your first post it was still light here in the uk.you have been caught out again op you may have a different computer to some of your other threads yes you were definately bernard in one of them and a councilor or mayor in another.enjoy your role playing op or if you still wish to deny it then please seek medical help.

Furious that you arent believing me

Well, i am still going to film it tomorrow and post quality hd daylight footage on here of the craft and inside the portholes!

no dont.. because the footage you will post will be found on youtube or google somwhere... cuz your a fucking loser who has nothing to do but make up shit and post on glp...

the sad thing about all this is..... its true

I am up, i can`t sleep...

i am going to go out by myself into the dark field and film the ufo,

i am going to have to do this, it is the right thing

I made a judgement call and sent a message and link to this thread to Dave at the Birmingham UFO Group, alerting him that you were using his name and organization for your own devices.

Sorry everyone. Fun is fun, and I hate that I may have broken some 'code' in doing this, but, implicating living people in your activities is really abhorrent, IMHO.

Yes, I did do this, but, fair is fair.

don't bane me, please!

Let's put a nail in this coffin once and for all. Probably by now most of you will have worked out that this thread is a complete hoax. I would like to confirm that this is the case. I am the Chairman and Investigator for Birmingham UFO Group. I have never heard of Hansel Jermain Dilpinson. I, nor any other member of BUFOG, did not witness the crash of a UFO alongside "Hansel" on the 4th October (or any other date). He/she has used our site link and my name to attempt to provide credibility for his/her fabricated story.

Lastly, if you'd like to read some about some genuine fascinating UFO sightings and contact cases rather than this nonsense then you are most welcome to read the many reports on our site! Thanks for your time.

Hmm, dave is that you?

Why would you deny this :(

I will be taking high resolution video of the craft and portholes when it is daylight

Thank you

Thank you for coming.

While I suppose I really do not have to apologize for notifying you about this incident earlier today, I feel I must at least offer one, since it's apparent it as caused you a bit of trouble.

On another note, now that you're here: welcome to GLP. :hf:

Since you have registered, you should be able to search through our database for the many UFO sightings and discussions that have filled the pages of this forum over the past seven or so years.

Every day there's something new to be discovered.

BTW, your website is very appealing!

Dear pseudo-Hansel,

Like the fairy-tale Hansel, you seem to be living in a dream-world.

Do you not realize that you have cause this good gentleman enough trouble already?

Do you not realize that your actions may be opening a Pandora's box for you?

Maybe I should send a message to Trinity now.

As I said before, fun is fun, but, not at the expense of someone else.

We have both laughed at suffered through many of your posts and identities to date, but, this has gotten tiresome.

Please give it up, and, let BUFOG Dave have some peace.

Due to mockery, and somebody even posing as my friend dave from bufog...

I have decided to never post here again!

What we discover we will not be posting or telling you what we find

Personally im furious at the way all of you have treated me

Goodbye, forever

Greys With Guns!

Received: 21/02/2011

Via: E-Mail

I said this guy had a photo of a grey, sorry I got in wrong, I was in such a rush on sat, he saw a grey and an entity showed up.

He wont speak to you, sorry mate, I had to talk to him for a while to get him agree sharing his story.

This is what he claims happened.

He said he was driving down a country road last July, 15Th, 11 am, past a wooded area. He says he saw a small grey skinny creature cross the road about 20 meters in front of him and go into the wood. He said he couldn't believe what he was seeing, he said it was to skinny to be a kid in a costume, he felt very confused. He pulled the car over, got out and looked around, he could not see anything at first, then he heard a rustling noise from some bushes. He shouted hey police, show yourself, he also threw a small branch at the bush. He claims that there was a bright flash of white light and a small grey, 3 foot, hairless, very skinny, huge head, huge black eyes, claws-alien type creature appeared in front of him 6 feet away. He said that the thing was holding a small silver type pistol with red lights on it, he said that he could not believe his eyes and felt like he was in a dream. He claims that suddenly he was paralysed and could not move an inch or speak. He says that the creature spoke to him at this point telepathically, he claims it said- I show myself to you today, just to prove that we do exist, beware the one you see. He says that the creature then started to jog off and he was no longer frozen, he says he shouted-stop, and gave chase. At this point the thing turned and fired his pistol at the officer, he says that he felt a strong energy beam and it was all around, he claims he stumbled back and then suddenly woke up in his patrol car. He says he checked the time and it was 11-12 am, which he says was about right. He says he then spent 2 hours searching the wood for the thing but found nothing or no trace.

He says that a few days later he spoke to someone about his encounter in the force, but was basically ridiculed and told not to report it and forget it and put it down to stress, as he would have a dogs life if he went public.

He was off sick for about 2 months and was actually treated for depression and anxiety and took meds, he says he felt ill. mentally ill, but said he just simply recovered 2 moths later.

He claims that the photo which I send, turned up miraculously on his phone, he only noticed it 3 days later when going through his phone. He says he had just 4 dog photos, nothing else stored, the photo was dated same day as encounter at same time 11-10 am. No one has access to his phone as he lives alone, and you need a pin number to even get into it, he showed me, he swears he did not take the photo, and he said the photo was saved with no name, which is odd, as his camera phone wont let you take and save an image without a name...example... dog1.JPG.

Looking at the photo, it does look rather disturbing, rather metallic, scales, reptilian, greenish, a very strange looking entity.

That's basically his tale, sorry mate but I believe him, after what I saw, and his encounter happened only a mile from where we was. Plus I have known him donkeys years, hes no liar, and has never sought attention. Plus, like he put it to me, if he really wanted to fake an alien photo, don't you think he would spend some time money and research it, and make a really good looking fake??? This to me proves that the photo is probably real and could show an ET Entity, have a close look its very disturbing, he is worried that the grey was speaking about this entity when it told him to be aware of the one you see.

I have no explanation for his story or photo, if it is of use to you then use it, if not, then don't, but that's what he claims happened.

Have to go mate, busy with work.

Very best,

Bernie.

I forgot, sorry, he says he saw this entity in the photo in several nightmares when he was ill, thousands of them aboard space ships, he says he is considering hypnosis to see if anything can be understood.

My response message:

The entity photo is quite clearly some sort of statue that has been blurred by camera shake. It looks female (or could be a Buddha), has the right breast area exposed, and the rest of the body covered by some sort of clothing. It is clear that there is camera shake due to the stretched points of light all over the object. No doubt this has been done to disguise its appearance. Feel free to deny this all you like, but seriously the photo is not even close to being convincing.

Monkey Magic

Received: 05/03/2011

Via: E-Mail

I know that most people will not believe a word I say, but I am not bothered, I know what I saw and I have the proof. On Thursday morning (03-03-2011) I was walking through Cannon Hill Park, Russell Road, Moseley, Birmingham, in the West Midlands where I live. I was on my way to an appointment, the weather was very sunny but chilly, the time was 9-30 am. I was just walking minding my own business when I noticed a very peculiar looking creature lurking near some bushes. The thing was roughly 20 meters away and was just lurking around very close to some bushes, it looked nervous and frightened and worried and was looking around as though it didn't know what to do. I could not believe what I was seeing, I was not scared or frightened, my heart was beating a bit fast and I felt a bit shaky, but more than anything I could just not believe what I was seeing, I looked around to see if anyone else was around but there was no one around. I stood and looked at the thing for roughly 10-15 seconds before I just thought I have to get a photo of this. I got my mobile phone from my pocket and quickly went into the camera, I pointed the camera at the creature and zoomed in fully, I took a shot and then had to wait for 2-3 seconds as the image processed itself and saved itself, I then pressed back and went to take another shot. By this time the creature had turned and was slowly walking off, I took a second shot and again I had to wait 2-3 seconds again, I pressed back and went to take a 3rd photo, but when I looked up the creature was no where to be seen. I stood there glued to the spot for about 1 minute feeling very uneasy about what I had just seen, I remember clearly thinking over and over again I just cant believe what I have just seen. I thought about heading towards the bushes to look and see if I could see the thing, but something told me not to go any where near there, sort of like a voice or gut feeling saying don't go over there, just get away from here. So that is what I did, I just carried on walking through the park on my way. I saw an elderly couple a few minutes after I saw the creature and actually stopped them and told them what had just happened, I even showed them the photos on my phone, they just looked at me like I was crazy and said nothing and just walked off sort of laughing at me in disbelief. The actual creature itself was roughly 4 feet in height, covered in what looked like thick black and grey fur, it had a bald-ish head which looked like a grey colour and there was a lump sticking out across and over the creatures eyes, it had what looked like very pointy ears, I could clearly see a nose and mouth, and the creature had very bright glowing red lights coming from it's eyes which seemed to grow and diminish in size, I could see no neck, it seemed to have its head tucked in its shoulders. I know what I saw sounds ridiculous and I would not believe it myself if I heard the story, but I don't care, I know what I saw and I have photographic evidence, this is not the sort of thing you should see walking through a park in broad daylight. The photos make the creature look greenish, the colour of the thing was actually black and grey, I suspect this is probably just a combination of sunlight reflecting the green grass and surrounding plants onto the creature itself, I'm guessing that distance is probably a factor and also the zoom was locked on full, and the photo is only taken on a cheap mobile phone, I wish I would have had a movie camera with me to show the actual thing walking, it was incredible to witness. If people want to ridicule me, that's OK with me, I know what I saw, it was not something from this planet, I am convinced that what I saw was an Alien creature, what other explanation is there? Several people have already ridiculed me, and accused me of been a liar, but like I said, I don't care, I know what happened to me was real. My mum says it could be a baby big foot as she thinks it looks very much ape like? I do not want to hazard a guess at what I saw, except to say that I believe the creature was Extraterrestrial in origin.

I am sorry but I have to go as I am at work and I am doing this on my dinner break, time up. I don't have Internet access at home, so I will have to reply to any emails on Monday, in the meantime, if you are interested in sharing my story, that is OK with me, and please use my real name, I have nothing to fear, I AM NOT A LIAR.

My response message:

Thanks for sharing your sighting with me. However its quite obvious that your photographs are of a chimp edited on Photoshop or another paint package to make the eyes red. Nobody anywhere is going to believe they actually show an unknown creature of some kind. Quite how you can even begin to think that I would fall for this is beyond me. Stop wasting my time.

p.s Hi Bernie.

ET Transplant Operation Received: 25/03/2011 Via: BUFOG site

Subject: Alien Experience

Message:

Hi David,

I have recently had a bad experience with some abnormal beings.

The event all started while on a night out 2 weeks ago. On this particular night an hour of my life seemed to disappear during which i am positive i saw bright lights and experienced a reality of being in a spaceship and floating. I'm sure these beings did experiments on my body.

Once i was released from the lift i went to bed and woke up the next morning slightly hungover. However ever since that night my penis has grown from its usual 7inches to 13inches.

I now feel like i have a snake in my pants everytime i walk.

I just do not know what to do. Gravity is certainly not helping. I would be over the moon with my new penis size but unfotunately my penis is now black and my body is white????? WTF!!!!! Do you think the alien beings abducted me and replaed my cock with a black mans?

I'm shy and scared to go to my doctor incase he laughs. I found you on google and live in solihull so maybe we could talk and i could tell you more of my experience on the space ship. I was not drunk.. just tipsy. I am now scared though.

Have you had this happen to anyone else in the area? Please give me a call.

BUFOG Agony Column Received: 09/01/2011 Via: BUFOG Forum

I meet a girl , she was in a relation, after few months , she broke whit his fucking boyfriend , to night at last I`ll going to to dance whit her, we speak by phone, all right, after half hour she call me, … and said ….Hey Im sorry Im whit my ex boyfriend, tomorrow I will talk whit you , now Im lonely im my room thinking that she is whit her fucking boyfriend in her apartment , fucking life , fucking life , fucking life, damned life , i hate my life

Member responses:

Just What do YOU think 'U.F.O.' means ???

This is the trouble when your girl breaks whit HIS boyfriend, didn't you notice at the time the bulge down below? The cross dressing two timing slut! You dance whit HER when you should be getting your end away. You speak by phone and after half hour SHE/HE calls you! Then you realise you was talking to yourself because there was nobody on the other end of the phone! I can see why you hate your life, you have got no friends and you are confused with your sexuality dating transvestites.

PS. Have you ever seen a UFO?

My advice is to track down the boy-girl who got away and announce to them that you randomly decided to post about them on a UFO group's forum even though it had nothing to do with the subject. I think he/she will be impressed and may even give you a good hard poking so you won't hate your life so much anymore. Dave the part time agony columnist love doctor UFO investigator has spoken.

A Very Close Encounter Received: 04/01/2011 Via: Richplanet.net

OCCUPATION: retard

LOCATION: fuckshire

DATE OF SIGHTING: couple of days ago mate

TIME OF SIGHTING: peanut butter jelly time

WEATHER CONDITIONS: cloudy with a chance of cock

HOW DID THE EXPERIENCE BEGIN: jerking off

OBJECT SHAPE: a roswell dick

OBJECT COLOUR: grey

OBJECT LIGHTING: beautiful

ESTIMATE OF SIZE: 2\"

ESTIMATE OF HEIGHT: 4\"

DIRECTION FROM YOU: away

DISTANCE FROM YOU: attatched to me

ANY SOUND EVIDENT: a subtle slapping noise

MOVEMENT PATH/PATTERN: up and down a vigorous cares

ESTIMATED SPEED: 20 nautical nots

ANY INTERACTION EXPERIENCED: my hand and the object

DETAILS OF ANY BEINGS SEEN: nar just a dick

DETAILS OF ANY COMMUNICATIONS: i was talking in a dishonourable manner to my own penis

ANY MISSING TIME: no

ANY OTHER UNUSUAL ASPECTS: pink semen all over me after i caresed the object into submission

LENGTH OF SIGHTING: 8-10 minuets

HOW DID THE SIGHTING END: with ejaculation

WITNESSES PRESENT: only me or else i wouldn't be jerking my own stick

EMOTIONS DURING SIGHTING: imense pleasure

ANY ADDITIONAL DEETAILS: small warts on the object

My response message:

Thanks for getting in touch about your strange experience. After analysing all the details you have provided I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are a wanker. This is more common than you may think so is nothing to be alarmed about, many people have gone through similar experiences.

It Was Huge Received: 04/01/2011 Via: Richplanet.net

OBJECT SHAPE: Huge penis

My response message:

Sigh. There's always one...

Copyright Dave Hodrien 2014